Autism Awareness Month: No Time for Old Ideas

“Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see, Que sera sera…”

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

On NPR yesterday, Terry Gross on Fresh Air was interviewing Doris Day about this song, saying that she, Terry, had always disliked the song and that she had heard that Doris had hated it also.

My mother used to sing this song to me when I was a small child, around the same time that it was a hit song, in the 1950’s. I loved having my mother sing to me and never thought about the lyrics until I was a teenager and became more socially aware. Then, in the activist 1960’s, “what will be will be” just did not cut it with me.

When my own daughter was small I sang to her, too. The songs that my mother sang came into my head almost automatically. When we received the autism diagnosis, I revisited this song as a way of accepting things as they were, of letting go of my dreams of the perfect little girl and the perfect little life.

Gradually I rejected this song again, in favor of “You are my sunshine”  and other more uplifting tunes. (Lily sometimes puts her finger over my mouth to get me to stop singing; my voice is not the best.)

We are now being told that 1 in 88 children will be diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder by the age of 8.

That is 1 in 54 boys.

That is 1 in 252 girls.

“What will be will be” cannot be our theme song.  What should our song be?

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