After reading all sorts of blog posts about Mother’s Day and mothers who are saints and over achievers, I’ve been wanting to share why I enjoy spending MY Mother’s Day without my family.
As most mothers of special needs children will tell you, being with a daughter like Lily can be exhausting.
My Princess was home the previous weekend so that she could visit with her much beloved Aunt Sharon and Uncle John who were visiting from California. Dad picked Lily up at her house and they drove to Maine where we all had a lovely time eating lobsters and walking the beach, watering the garden and taking walks in the woods and in town.
She also went for rides with Dad in the Jaguar and took the recycling to the transfer station.
All this was very exciting for our Princess who also managed to drink soap, pour liquid soap down the toilet (because she did not like the smell), drink seawater and eat seaweed.
On the Monday when I was going to drive with Lily back to Massachusetts, her anxiety level had doubled and whether or not it was because she knew she had to leave the family party or because of seaweed aftermath (I can never tell) she became “unstable”.
Taking her back to her house has become a nightmare because she starts in with the pleading looks about five miles from the house. Then she starts belching and regurgitating, working herself into a full-blown panic attack. When she arrives at the house, she races upstairs to her bathroom, rips off her clothes and showers until she is calm or until the hot water runs out.
So going to get her is great and she is ecstatic; taking her back is overwhelmingly upsetting.
My Mother’s Day alone allowed me to reflect on how much I love her and how much I need to rest after being with her. We avoid the difficult transition anxiety completely. We see each other later in the week on Skype; she is smiling and happy with her favorite trusted care-giver.
And no offense to my Mom but I do not remember feeling the need to be with her on that specific day. Visiting Mom was a weekly event for us if possible and would have been more often if we lived in the same town. Why do people think that some flowers and a brunch are adequate recompense for all the years of worry and sleepless nights?
Mother’s Day was originally to support mothers of soldiers sent off to war, wasn’t it? We should support the military mothers, especially those mothers of special needs children who are not granted full medical coverage for their children’s problems. Apparently, Tri-care does not adequately cover autism treatment, especially after retirement. (See petition HERE to urge Congress to make autism treatment available to all military children.)
So keep your baubles and flowers for next Mother’s Day, too. Give the money to the autism charity of your choice. I will hopefully enjoy another peaceful day in my garden, resting up for another whirlwind day with Lil the next weekend.
And support the Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act http://cmkaa.org/cmkaa-press/